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my name is hannah and this is my journal

I don’t really know how to capture the last few days.  Some parts have been really hard and I’m tired all the time.  So, so tired.  And all I’ve been doing is running and working on homework, student council stuff, etc.  Some parts haven’t been so bad.  It’s just life happening I guess.  I don’t have any pretty words today.  Nothing exciting is happening.  Things are both good and bad.  Things are so in between.

Creative writing is my favorite and least favorite class because I love it but I feel inadequate.

Cross is going well and my hips haven’t been bothering me and I’ve been proud of how I’m doing so that’s something good.

I’m leaving for a cross country overnight trip after school today which has caused me a lot of stress and I have to room with three underclassmen to supervise them.  I’m not looking forward to it.  I also think I’m getting sick and currently have a fever but there’s nothing I can do but suck it up so I’m gonna try to keep my chin up and not be bitter or mopey or angry.

I hope you all have a good weekend and I’ll write soon if I can.  I’m sorry I have nothing to say.  I don’t even feel like myself partly.

       sspacebabe
  1. There is a whole big section about it on my blog but in summary I like indie, dance, the Beatles, most things with percussions, intelligent pop music, grimy lo-fi garage punk, beard folk, classic rock and roll, and recently, rap.
  2. My role models are my grandma (whose name was Alma Loretta and I’m writing it to show you all how beautiful it is), Tavi Gevinson, my dad, Frida Kahlo, lots of lovely people on tumblr I’ve mentioned before, a lot of the teachers at my school because they’re so cool but specifically my art teacher and his wife, Jesus ofc because ***flawless, Kathleen Hanna, and of course others who are slipping my mind at the moment
  3. Last August I was really freaked out about starting school and was really behind on summer work so I made it to comfort myself and it just kinda picked up from there and I got lots of request to do them monthly so here I am
       Anonymous

Ooh wow this is lovely to hear!  Freckles are my favorite thing to draw/paint actually I put them on all my portraits even if the subject doesn’t have freckles because they’re so much fun.  With acrylics you have to water down the paint just a bit then dab it all around, varying the pressure ever so slightly, and I love the technique so much.  I think both of you are mega beautiful and it makes me happy I could brighten your lives even just a bit so please keep being the great people you so clearly are and thanks for sharing your lovely thoughts xx 

       Anonymous

I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND TOO PLZ???

Seriously just message me I am so down for this happening xx

Okay I’m going to delete that last post because it’s a mess hahaha sorry.

Saturday I spent a dismal day at an amusement park with my dad for his company’s annual picnic but even though I spent the day reading by the pool under a towel in the rain while my dad and sister went swimming, it was nice to spend some of the day with him and I also got a dreamsickle soft serve at one point so it wasn’t all bad.  Days like that make me reflect on how I won’t be seeing him much starting next year and the guilt of not going to his house weekly (on account of working and always trying to squeeze in time with Alex) is crippling.  The fact that our Wednesday dinner dates are numbered is devastating and I’ve been trying not to think about it.  Now, though, at 12:04 am and caffeine in my system, it’s all catching up to me a bit.

Sunday I had a really good shift at work with my favorite pal who’s super into Arctic Monkeys and Kanye (probably more than me tbh) and we talked about music the whole time since we were slow and I can work bar like 100% by myself and I really love steaming milk and the sound the steamer makes when you lift it up to foam the milk is so lovely and satisfying.  I wish you all could feel when you pull the pitcher away from the steam wand and see its perfect little indentation in the top of the foam because then you know you did a good job and it’s just one of those small tiny things that fills you up sometimes.

Today was good and I was happy in spite of a few things that didn’t really matter.  I did have a bit of an episode where I panicked about affording college and I couldn’t stop crying and asking what if I don’t have enough money to get away from my mom and wow it was just so bad, but Alex talked me out of it and told me to look up scholarships to my dream school and I did and they give two renewable writing scholarships to the best written entires and also scholarships for writing and visual art portfolios and I think if I work so, so hard I have a slight change at any of those.  He made me realize that yes there are 7,000 other people who are going to apply but it doesn’t matter because I know how much I love that school and how well I belong there so all I can do is try.

It’s midnight and I just submitted a very difficult AP lit study guide online after a few days of really intense hard work and I feel like I can finally breathe and this caffeine is turning my mind into a whirlpool and I think I need to get to bed soon.  Hope you all doing well and are as happy as I am in spite of the sour things like not being able to afford your dream school or something else.  You are all wonderful and brilliant and worthy of love don’t forget that good night xx

unskinny:

Stop apologizing for the things you enjoy eating.

Stop apologizing for the things you enjoy wearing.

Stop apologizing for how you prefer to spend your day.

Stop apologizing for the things that make you happy.

(via bujoinks)

fewerbrokenpieces:

Starman- David Bowie

(via waad-smadworld)

       Anonymous

Haha this is actually a fairly good question.  I don’t really have a lot of male friends, although this certainly isn’t the norm at my school.

We actually have a “”“”brother school”“”” that’s right across the street that my school interacts with a lot.  Most of the kids from co-ed grade schools kind of split up between my school and that one, and as a result most of my guy friends go there, whether I’ve known them previously from grade school or meeting them later.  It’s kinda like Foxwood from George Nicolson and we’re Stalag 14.

If you’re referring specifically to Cole (since I mentioned him in a post recently), I technically met him at an academic competition in middle school then we got to know each other after seeing each other at a lot of shows and him messaging me on facebook.  Marley also kinda knew him from camp before.

And if you’re referring to my boyfriend and that gang, THAT IS NOT A SIMPLE STORY AND I WILL TELL IT ANOTHER TIME.  The short version is we met them at a Passion Pit show, although Alex claims to not even remember seeing me haha.  This was several years ago bear in mind.

I told myself I wanted to draw and write more my senior year, but obviously as you all have noticed that plan is proving to be impractical.  I’ve nearly stopped writing in my physical journal simply because I haven’t got the time.  As a result, this entry is probably going to be unbearably mundane.

In regards to my last post, Wednesday was better than Tuesday.  Cross was rough because we ran 200m repeats then a thunderstorm flared up around our last few so we were all sprinting back to school from the loop we always use.  Afterwards my dad took me to get subs and we were both in a good mood and it was very simple but nice after how down I was Tuesday.

I don’t remember much about school Thursday but it was Alex’s move-in day so after cross I went with his best friend, mom, and step-dad to see it and pick up Taco Bell.  After everyone left we hung out and listened to records and I got to meet his roommates and it was just lovely because it reminded me what I have to look forward to this year.

Friday we had our common reader day which went really well.  Our common reader was I Am Malala and our English department did a great job organizing everything and mostly everyone was super interested and participated.  Since I’m in the highest level English class in the school I had to lead a discussion group of 20 or so students and faculty and the whole time I thought I was doing really badly because no one was responding and the girls were being sort of rude and only the teachers (two math teachers OF COURSE) were participating, but I apparently just got a bad group because everyone else was talking about how good their discussion was and my English teacher even mentioned that my moderator had mentioned how tough it was so that was comforting at least.

Afterward I had my first after school rush which actually went better than I expected even though I was shaking from nervousness.  We were slow the rest of the day which was cool because I like the people I worked with.

Sorry once again that this is utterly boring but there’s not much to say.  I have a lot of summer reading work due monday and I’m very behind and I work 10 hours this weekend so I probably won’t write for a few days.  I really do hope you all are doing well xx