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my name is hannah and this is my journal

In the last 24 hours I have slept exactly 1 hour and painted for roughly 15 bc I have 4 pieces due today and I feel like I’m gonna collapse!!!!!!

Yesterday I was taken off varsity.  My coach didn’t say a word to me, just sent out the list of girls running varsity in an email.

My mom says it’s to take pressure off of me but I don’t see how taking me off varsity my three meets before state my senior year and then expecting me to prove myself again to get back on varsity takes any pressure off at all.

This is a list to organize my thoughts about the race today:

  • I’m only doing poorly because my mind is stopping myself from overcoming my threshold of pain
  • This is because I’ve never completed a full season of cross without getting injured so I don’t quite know how to really push myself in a race
  • I need to run past the point of comfort and accept the pain and keep going
  • I’m perfectly capable of running this race today and running it well and I am not scared of pain or discomfort
  • I’m going to run this race in a good mindset and nothing can stop me from doing well.  Not pain, not my asthma, not my hips, not sore legs, not even a bad mindset.  Nothing nothing nothing is gonna stop me because this is my senior year and I’ve waited since 8th grade for this chance.
  • I’m strong as hell and God’s on my side and will give me strength and if it gets hard I can always recite prayers and poems in my head
  • I’m tired of not being good enough.  I’m tired of getting in my own way.  It’s been nothing but years of bad news and disappointment  but this is my race.
  • It isn’t supposed to be easy.  It’s going to be hard and I’m going to do it anyway

If y’all pray, say some prayers for me.  Specifically that I can be strong enough to not slow down when it gets hard.  If you don’t pray just send me some good thoughts and good vibes or whatever else or don’t do anything that’s okay.  Really and truly I hope y’all are doing well xx

violentsuicides:

the-feminist-fangirl:

I care about the problems of men. I care that the patriarchy tells men that they have to be stoic beasts incapable of emotion. I care that the patriarchy tells men that they are lust-filled monsters incapable of controlling their own libidos. I care that the patriarchy tells men that they cannot be raped or assaulted because the patriarchy believes women are too weak and inferior to be dangerous.

Feminists did not do this to you, other men did.

THIS

I spend a lot of time explaining to Al how relevant & important feminism is to men as well as women.  A lot of these issues (namely the forced concept of masculinity) are the root of a lot of the violence in our society which is so important to understand and work towards the resolution of.  The cool people behind “Miss Representation” are tackling these issues in a new film called The Mask You Live In that’s supposed to be out sometime next year and I CAN’T WAIT.

(via ne-o-mi)